Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

This came from

This came from

If you aren’t familiar with Dr Frasier Crane, his infamous line is, “I’m listening.”

I haven’t been doing enough of this lately. Have you?


Listen to an audio recording of this blog post here:

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Oh what a view!

A couple of weeks ago, I was staying in this ridiculous mansion out at Sylvan Lake. No, it wasn’t mine (someday!). I had been invited out for the weekend by a friend to enjoy some time off lakeside. As is my custom, I found myself in a debate with one of the other house guests. The topic? Relationship selling.

See, the conversation began around clubs, networks and the likes and your reasons for joining them. Are you in a networking club just so you can “sell”  your goods or services? Are you there to meet friends and like-minded people? Her point, relationship selling doesn’t work. My point, the only way human beings function is through relationships, so of course relationship selling works. It’s all “relative” anyway. To which she responded, “So, everyone is in a relationship with somebody or to something… that advice doesn’t help anyone.”

She’s right of course, that piece of information isn’t something immediately actionable by anybody. But for me, it IS the key to understanding the intricacies of relationship and just how subtle successful relationship selling is. (Tip: social media/relationship selling… same deal). It’s the most important point to understand. My goal was not to provide the magic formula for relationship selling, it was to communicate that everything we perceive about our world is only done in relation to something else. So in that sense, we are in a constant and evolving relationship to one another.

I used to cringe when the word “sales” came up in a conversation. To me, it meant trying to convince the person in front of me to purchase my goods or services in this moment. It was my job to onboard you. If I couldn’t close in the short-term, I had failed. You can imagine the inner turmoil when I thought of bringing that style of selling into my relationships. It’s very easy for friends to start looking like walking dollar signs. It’s why network marketing often has a bad rep.

I run into a myriad of people who still hold that perception of sales. Get rid of it. It won’t help you today, tomorrow or the day after that.

Relationship selling is simple, it’s just not easy and it takes time. It requires a consistency to your approach and doesn’t stop when you leave the office. It consists of building a genuine rapport with the person you’re speaking with, caring enough about them to establish whether your goods or service will be helpful and being confident enough to accept their answer of yay or nay without making it about you. Oh, and we can’t forget timing. But that’s not always something we can predict.

The other side to this is that your relationships follow you everywhere. Relationship selling doesn’t stay at the office. It’s how you approach your clients, your friends, your family, your networking groups, your online interactions – everything. It’s knowing that you can never predict when a business relationship will collide with you at a personal event. Or when your friend refers you to a client. Or that guy you’re working in the kitchen with up in the oilfields ends up as the business partner you didn’t even know you were looking for.

See, relationship selling is all about the impression you leave with people. It starts the moment you converse. It also requires being clear and upfront about your intentions. Successful relationship selling leaves room for either party to say yes or no and to have their decision respected. And it’s an approach that works with friends, family, coworkers, current and potential clients and any other person you come into contact with. Just rinse and repeat with every relationship and you’re golden.

How do I know? It’s how I’ve learned to operate sustainably. And it’s working.

That’s it. So, if you aren’t haven’t much success with relationship selling, consider:

  1. Re-evaluating your sense of what it means to “sell”. It may not work in terms of relationships.
  2. Do a self-audit on the relationships in your life. Are they supporting you? Or are they hindering you? Oh, and sometimes relationship selling is about ending the relationships (or at least changing their terms) when they aren’t serving you or the other party.

Takeaway: Be genuine. Be transparent. Be helpful where you can be. And always look for the opportunity that is mutually beneficial. Added emphasis on mutually.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, I was an early patron of internet dating sites. Yep, I had profiles on the likes of Lavalife and POF for some years. These early social media sites (yes I call them social media sites, after all, what’s more social than meeting people and dating?) were my way to pre-screen. And it worked pretty well I’d say. I invested a lot of time in talking to people on the site to find those genuinely interested in meeting someone vs. those looking for a quick bootie call or the serial daters. My use of dating sites fell by the wayside probably somewhere in the realm of 5 or 6 years ago. But I kept my profiles, you know, “just in case”. I didn’t have any particular beef with any of them. I had met some genuinely good people (it’s all about the pre-screen).

One day, I got around to cleaning out my inbox. I did one purge a couple of months back, unsubscribing from as many e-newsletters and regular mailouts that I could stand to do in one sitting. But when 300 unread emails still piled up over the course of a few weeks, it was clear more of them had to be on the chopping block. As I scrolled through the unread messages, a POF update came across my line of vision. “A-ha! I haven’t used that in years!” What the hell, I’ll go all in and delete my account altogether. Well, when I clicked on the link from the email to change my profile preferences, guess what I saw?

The message on my POF profile page

There’s nothing wrong with the top one. People pay attention to real people with real photos more so than those with no picture or fake photos, that one’s a no-brainer. My eyes fell on the second notice. Well how about that! Somewhere in the last 5 years, I’ve found myself a husband, managed to get myself hooked on any number of drugs and taken to poisoning myself with a cancer stick. Man, I’ve been busy! Had I logged in to update my POF profile, I could’ve avoided so many problems. And found a nice man to keep me out of trouble. What kind of guy did I marry anyway that would support such habits?

Like I said, I had no beef with POF before deleting my account. But after seeing that? I gleefully, yes gleefully pressed the delete button.